Christmas letter 2020

The Ravens
Apple Valley, CA 92307

December 2020

2019 was a great year for us, but things can always be better, right? We had been pretty happy with our comfort-food diet, where we eat as much as we want of whatever we want whenever we want to eat it, but an article in Teen Vogue last year cited a government study that said this eating pattern was not woke enough. So we went on a bit of a health kick: Our 2020 New Year’s resolutions were for each of us to lose twelve pounds by 2021 — just one pound per month. We went to a nutritionist who wanted to prescribe meth-amphetamines, but our dentist advised against that approach. This meant looking at some other options.

So far, we’ve tried:

  • the intermittent fasting diet
  • the punctuated equilibrium diet
  • the Eskimo lemonade diet
  • the Venezuelan diet
  • the cigarette diet
  • the Olive Garden all-you-can-eat breadsticks diet
  • the baby harp seal diet
  • the pig fetus urine injections
  • tapeworms
  • the bacon ’n’ beer diet
  • the macrobiotic diet
  • the bat soup diet
  • the our daily bread diet
  • dopamine fasting
  • the macrobiotic diet
  • the raw food diet
  • the 40-bananas-a-day diet
  • the intravenous steroids diet
  • the Keto diet
  • the Beyond Keto diet
  • the low-silica diet

If the next couple of diets don’t work for us, the plan is to give up doughnuts for breakfast and see how that works.

Merry Christmas to all, and best wishes for the New Year,

The Ravens