Dear Fellow Shopper —
These days it can be almost impossible to tell whether or not the things you eat and drink are safe. But while the newspapers and television make much of the hazardous times in which we live, the fact remains that, until now, your chances of getting into some really potent and sure-fire trouble were few and far between … what with government regulation and all.
That’s why we’re pleased to announce the opening of a brand new type of store: DANGЯUS. At DANGЯUS, you won’t find anything that could in any way be construed as safe, non-toxic, or child-resistant. No namby-pamby product liabilities here. No guarantees of freshness. In fact, it is so DANGЯUS we must insist that you pay for your purchases before you lift them off the shelves.
So put on your rad-suit and blast shield, or just come as you are. It’s all the same at DANGЯUS. That’s DANGЯUS, for the shopping experience you’ll remember for the rest of your life!
Come in now for the GRAND OPENING, and save 20%–50% on featured items such as —
|barbed wire||alcohol||big government|
|nuclear families||mellow music||farm subsidies|
|nuclear power||price controls||fire ants|
|new Clear floor wax||cigarettes||socialism|
|killer bees||folding chairs||dark alleyways|
|religions||edible carcinogens||legal pollution|
|promises||paper money||wine experts|
|broken glass||coal dust||lies|
|EZ credit||spleege||account executives|
|cheese eaters||foreign aid||IBM clones|